Wild Brew Part Two!

Blackberry Spice Bush Mead

It was finally time. A month had gone by and it was time to bottle my Spice Bush Amber Ale and my Blackberry Spice Bush Mead. The Wild Blackberry Wine was still bubbling pretty steadily, so it gets to ferment a while longer. These are the intoxicants my daughter and I learned to make at Tim MacWelch's Wild Brew 101 class last month.

I broke out the plastic tubing and siphoned off the ale and added the priming sugar. Yes Tim, I was very careful to add exactly the amount you said so I didn't make beer bombs instead of beer. (Wouldn't  blowing up that fantastic ale be a terrible case of alcohol abuse?) In about a week, I'll chill them and try not to drink them all before my daughter gets a chance to visit and drink hers. I am fairly certain drinking her share is wrong.

The mead was next up for bottling. I did taste a little bit as I was bottling and it was very good. It will be even better after aging a while. It also looks lovely in the bottles.

In the spirit of wild brewing, I decided to build on Tim's class and also started a batch of peach wine today. It is currently in a five gallon bucket starting stage one of fermentation. I think it is going to turn out well. The must is mostly white peaches with a few yellow peaches to add a little variety to the flavor. One of the great things about making my own wine is that I can leave out the sulfites by pasteurizing the fruit to kill the wild yeast.

By the way, it takes a long time to pit and chop up 13 pounds of peaches for five gallons of wine, but I am fairly certain this is a very valuable survival skill!

Can I drink NOW?

Summer Wild Edibles and Wild Brew! Woohoo!

After a break to accommodate real life and my addictions to pick-your-own farms and canning, I finally made it back to one of Tim MacWelch's (@timmacwelch) wild edibles classes and a wild brewing class. This time I dragged my daughter along as well. (Okay, getting a 22-year-old to a brewing class didn't require much dragging.)

Dried Sassafras Leaves

Of the edibles classes so far, the summer class was one of the best and I have to credit the blackberries. I love summer fruits and I'd have been perfectly happy if all we did was park in front of the blackberry bramble to graze.

It was a large class, but we were still able to cover a lot of ground. I know. I have the step count on my pedometer to prove it. I learned a few new plants and was able to identify a few that changed their appearance for summer.

I also got to bring home some sassafras from the Wild Brew class and I dried the leaves and will go into some stew or gumbo this fall. The roots will most likely end up in a soda or an ale. I haven't decided yet.

The ale brewing
over the campfire.

Mallory adding
the spice bush
to the ale.

Wild brewing was a blast and not just because Tim brought samples.  We started off the morning with a maple wine toast to the day, then jumped into brewing basics and beer brewing. It took some discussion, but the group finally decided on a Spice Bush Amber Ale. The students set off to find the spice bush from the previous day's class. Thankfully, we had a ringer who knew the property. A friend of Tim's was there to chaperon or I'd have been lost for sure. (I can get lost in my own small condo!) Mallory got to add the spice bush and pitch the yeast for the ale.

Moving on to the wine, we knew we'd be doing blackberries and all of us (except Tim - he's a sly one) braved the blackberry brambles, ticks, and sun to acquire our three pounds of wine in waiting. This wine will be amazing considering the blood, sweat, and tears we all shed for it.

Blackberry Spice Bush Mead
in the making.

Tim's hibiscus flower mead  rounded out our afternoon break and set the mood for the final project - mead!

The flavorings for the mead were a source of great discussion. We considered a great many things, even wild carrot, but finally settled on blackberry and spice bush. We had enough leftover from bottling that we all got a taste of the unfermented juice. It tasted fantastic. It is going to be a fantastic mead.

Mallory had enough fun in the class, she's all set to start brewing at home too. She's scouted out the local brewing store and priced out the basic supplies on Amazon already. She's got a steady supply of bottles courtesy of her also 22-year-old friends.

The class was also great fodder for things you don't normally hear in conversation:

• "Kiddo, please get the blackberry branch off my butt."
• "Burn that sum'bitch. Burn him. Burn him." (about a tick found on someone's pants)
• "A tick will turn a die-hard pacifist into cold-blooded killer."
• "This stick smells like french fries." (About the oak stick we stirred the ale with.)

Ale, Wine, Mead

Herbs Abounding!

My herb garden got planted this weekend! I also managed to split and re-pot  some of my African violets (I went from six to nine - anyone need one?), and soak my orchids. I am excited because one of my orchids is about to start blooming again!

I'd posted earlier about planning for the herb garden. As usual, planning was good, but execution went a bit overboard. The staples all made it. The newbies got shaken up a bit.

Clockwise from top left: Sage, parsley, marjoram,
thyme, chamomile, oregano, and yarrow.

The Staples

Rosemary
Sage
Thyme
Parsley
Basil

The Newbies

Lemon Balm
Spearmint
Arugula (Rocket)
Bay laurel
Mojito Mint*
Yarrow*
Chamomile*
Marjoram*
Parsley*
Lavender*
Dill*

*These were not planned!

I couldn't find the spearmint or arugula. I suppose I made up for that by getting seven additional plants. The dill might not make it. When I got home, it wasn't as robust a plant as I'd thought, but I gave it a special pot and a nice sunny spot in the kitchen window. Hopefully, I can nurse it back to health.

In short order, I should be able to start plucking a leaf here and there for salads. I'm looking forward to drying the herbs and making some new remedies and teas with them. Blending my own teas will be awesome since I drink so much of it. I'll let you know how it goes!

The Next Bite - Spring Wild Edibles

Redbuds are pretty and taste good!

I got to take the next bite of wild edibles this past weekend at Tim MacWelch's Spring Wild Edibles class (Advanced Survival Training). I was excited for this one not only because the weather was (a lot) better than it was for the winter class in January, but also because I was really hoping to identify a few things on my own as well. (I did!)

We found several of the plants we were introduced to in the last class -  the common plantain, the seaside plantain, wild onions, and my favorite, the yarrow.

I learned that the weeds growing in between the pavers of my patio are Pennsylvania Bittercress, which I quite enjoy. I'd pull them up and put them in my salad if I didn't know what pesticides our homeowner's association sprayed on them. That, and the neighbor's dog pees on my patio to torment my dog. I'll find a safer place to forage.

The Pennsylvania Bittercress's cousin, Wintercress, I didn't enjoy so much. It was tasty at first, then the bitterness sneaked up on me and smacked me in the head. I'll eat it in a survival situation , but I don't think I'll be making it part of my everyday diet.

Spring Beauty
aka
The Fairy Potato

The actual Fairy Potato

My favorite of this class was the Spring Beauty, or as it was billed, the "elusive Fairy Potato". The flower is beautiful and incredibly delicate and if you dig it up, you get a tiny little potato. I was surprised how delicate the plant was.

I brought home two of the tiny potatoes and made itty bitty Fairy Potato Chips. It was a lot of work for a few tiny chips, but they were very good. I think if I cook with them again, I'll just cut them in half and drop them in a cup of soup or something.

We did find a small patch of wild strawberries. They'll be ready in June. Sadly, I won't be there for those, but maybe someone will get lucky and get a strawberry before the wild animals do.

One of the other bonuses of this class? We scoped out all the blackberries and other summer goodies are for the Summer Wild Edibles class and the Wild Brewing class - mostly the Wild Brewing class. That reminds me... I am off to empty three wine bottles for the Wild Brewing class so that we can refill them! (Don't worry. I won't empty them all at once.)

Salt and Pepper Fairy Potato Chips

Are You Prepared for Anything? No? Then Get this Book!

It was a busy - and tiring - weekend with two college-aged girls visiting. My daughter and her girlfriend spent half of their spring break with me this weekend. Since my daughter spend the first half of her spring break camping in Georgia, she was more interested in free laundry facilities than activities. Of course, this distraction left me at a loss for a post this week. Or at least at a loss for a post not about endless loads of stinky, college, camping laundry. Then I remembered that I'd just finished Tim MacWelch's book, Prepare for Anything Survival Manual.

I picked up the book after taking one of Tim's classes (Winter Wild Edibles) and put it in my to-read pile. It's a rather large stack and I didn't get to it right away. When I did, I was happily surprised. It is a fun read and Tim's sense of humor definitely comes through in his writing. (On canning food, "Drop Some Acid". Tip #179) This is not your gloom and doom end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it survival manual. I don't do gloom and doom. I try to take as little as possible too seriously.

It isn't even a manual I would consider just a survival scenario guide. It's useful every day. Who knew that vodka could de-stink your clothes or get rid of mold in your bathroom? Tim did, obviously. (I should have sprayed my daughter's laundry down with the stuff. It was bad!)

I love the sections on canning and drying foods since those are easy ones for me to replicate living in a condominium. I've considered planting a large garden or building a bunker, but the homeowners' association got a little testy when I suggested digging up the golf course. I guess I will make do with my indoor herb garden. Also on tap, home brewing!

There are a few tips I won't be trying voluntarily. There will be no jumping off buildings or treating bullet wounds unless I absolutely have to do so. Also, the first person who tries to puree animal brains in my blender to tan a hide will be buying me a new blender!

On a serious note, there is a lot of sage advice in this book: Get your finances in order, be responsible for your own wellness, secure your home, be prepared for emergencies. This isn't rocket science, but I'm always surprised at how many people can't put a bandage on a skinned knee, let alone splint a broken arm until they get to a doctor.

If you're interested in prepping or survival, this is a great book. If you want a fun read and to learn a little about being self-sufficient in the process, this is still a great book. If you want tips on how to survive a weekend with an invading horde of smelly college students, this book can't help, but I can. Drink. A lot.

Sometimes It Is All About the Reason You Are Surviving

Any survival instructor will tell you that you need inspiration, a reason, to keep going when the SHTF. It gives you that mental edge when all you're really doing is embracing the suck. "Think about your friends and family, whatever inspires you to keep going..." That's all well and good, but sometimes, the reason to get home is a lot smaller. And tastier.

This weekend was all about a reason to keep going: boozy cupcakes!

Introducing the Guinness-Jamesons-Baileys Cupcake:

 I would very much like to thank the Brown-Eyed Baker for this recipe. It's a Guinness chocolate cupcake with a Jameson's Irish Whiskey ganache and Bailey's Irish Cream frosting. It is pretty much the baked-good version of the rather tackily named Irish Car Bomb drink. (Take a Guinness, dump in a shot of Jameson's and a shot of Baileys. Chug before it curdles.) I am sure that my co-workers will thank her as well, since I baked 75 of them to take to work on Monday.

If nothing else, the ingredients are worth coming home for as well!

I also made her Shamrock Shake Cupcakes for the non-drinkers in the office. Thankfully, there aren't many.

I highly recommend both recipes and the Julia Child method of baking. I didn't make the drink these are based off of to drink, but I'd be lying if I said all the whiskey made it into the ganache. (I'm too wise to drink something you have to chug before it curdles.)

By the way, being able to bake and cook are pretty important survival skills. Being able to bake these surviving more bearable!

Short Girl Bushcraft Tool Review - The Mora Companion Knife

I finally got to put my Mora Companion through its paces outdoors this past weekend. I trimmed a few branches off a tree, cut cord, and carved a notch in the hearth board of my bow drill set.  It was all smooth and easy. I even managed to do that all without injuring myself. Of course, my primitive skills instructor did forbid me to pay attention to any boys.

I really like the knife, with one little not-so-much.

The Good

The blade is great. Sharp right from the factory. Love that! A couple of my knives needed sharpening right out of the box, which I find terribly annoying. People buy knives to cut/carve/chop things. You can't do that (safely) with a dull knife. Why would any company deliberately leave their blades dull?

I also love the handle. Because of the rubberized, non-slip handle, it is very easy for me to hold onto. It's a slim handle to begin with, but the extra grip helps anyone with freakishly small hands control their blade. (My pistol coach told me I have the smallest hands he's ever seen, even for a woman.)

For a $15 knife, it is incredibly sturdy as well. It's solid and has a decent weight to the knife. For me, that means it has enough heft to be sturdy, but not be so weighty that it is tiring to use. It's well balanced.

Even if it weren't, for the price you won't be too sad if you lose it. One friend mentioned that he's lost two. He keeps replacing them because they are good knives. Of course, he gets nice brown and green knives that blend in with the leaves and grass beautifully. Mine might be an insanely obnoxious pink (magenta if you go by Mora's color chart), but if I drop it in a field, I can spot it from half a mile away.

The Not-So-Good

I've mentioned previously that I'm not a fan of the sheath. No need to unearth and beat that horse. It's already dead.

The only thing I didn't like about the knife is the spine of the blade. It has ever-so-slightly rounded edges so it won't create a spark on my fire steel. My Mora-losing friend mentioned that this is a change from his Moras. I don't need a knife that does every little thing, but I got a carbon steel-bladed knife so that it would work with a fire steel.

I can take a file to the spine and flatten it so that it will work with a fire steel, and eventually I probably will. I just shouldn't have to do that. It is a little bit of a bummer, but not enough for me to go looking for a different brand of knife.

The Summary

This is a great little knife that passes the short girl/little hands test. The key to passing the test is it has to do everything just as well as any other knife and be safely usable for a small-handed person. I know I make a fuss about having small hands, but it is very scary to have a knife slip out of your hand because the handle is too large and you just can't hold onto it.

Overall, the Mora Companion is a good utility knife. The sheath is standard for the inexpensive Moras. Someday, I might get a better sheath.  Someday sooner, I'll file down the back so the knife can be used to spark a fire too.

Snowy First Steps to Wilderness Survival

At first I was afraid, I was petrified...

Okay, not really. I'd been looking forward to my primitive skills class from Advanced Survival Training and Instructor Tim MacWelch for a month now. For one, it was the first weekend in several that the weather didn't make getting outdoors completely miserable or life threatening. (People in Northern Virginia can't drive in snow and icy weather.) Second, I got to learn several basic skills that get me closer to my goal of being more self-sufficient.

I was most excited about learning to use a bow drill. We assembled our bow drill sets and all attempted to make an ember. I'd like to go on record stating that bow drills are hard. They are even harder in five inches of snow and a strong wind. I'm told that bow drill friction fires are difficult under any circumstance. That doesn't make me feel a lot better about not getting it right. Only one student managed to beat the elements and got an ember going.

I confess I got mad because my arm quit before I made an ember, so I used my fire steel and lit my tinder bundle. I wasn't going to leave without making fire, even if I kinda cheated. (Everyone knew, by the way.) At least I didn't use the lighter I had stashed in my backpack. I'll keep practicing with the bow drill. The damn thing won't beat me forever!

We need a lot more leaves
and a door!

The class was more successful at building shelters. It's a lot of work, but it was a lot of fun, especially scouting for good locations and materials. I like figuring out jigsaw puzzles and shelter building is a lot like a jigsaw puzzle. Find the right location. Place the pieces in the right direction and the right shape. Keep building until all the pieces are filled in.

We didn't complete the shelter because we had other things to learn, but we were pretty impressed with how much we could get done in a couple of hours, but it is obvious it would take much longer if we had been working solo. Primitive survival would definitely be a full-time job.

One of the other critical lessons of the day was the appropriate use of snow. It should definitely be used for snowball fights. Yeah, you can also melt it for water or if you had enough, build a snow shelter, but really, the best use of snow is pelting people with it.

We also learned basic flint knapping and the principals for signalling in a rescue situation. The best thing about Tim's classes is that everything is hands-on. We all built the shelters. Everyone made big and little rocks into useful tools. Everyone got a bow drill set and at least attempted to make fire. Everyone over the age of 21 got maple wine too.

Oh, Tim learned something too. If you dare me to squee like a teen-aged girl and ask for your autograph AND promise me maple wine if I do, I'll do it. I'll make you really sign the magazine too! (If I'm going to look silly, you're gonna sign!) The maple wine was fantastic, again! Thankfully, there was no video and to my knowledge, no pictures!

...I will survive!

Knife Safety: Lessons in Attentiveness from a Teen-Aged Girl

Safety is key in almost everything you do, especially in bushcraft and survival. So is attentiveness. I learned those lessons as a teenager. (That was last year. If you don't believe me, ask my 21-year-old daughter. She will attest to it!) If your attentiveness fails, it is very likely your safety is compromised, and 16-year-old girls are easily distracted, especially by 16-year-old boys.

There are all kinds of rules for knife safety and whittling. Keep your knife sharp. Face the blade away from you. Take it slow and steady. 

Watch what you are doing should be high on that list. Maybe my dad thought it was so obvious it didn't need saying. I was his first (and only) daughter, so he didn't have the prior experience with raising teen-aged girls. 

Not the knife in question,
but this is one of my favorites now.

Both my parents grew up camping and generally being outdoors, so it was important that my brother and I had a similar childhood, right down to the whittling lessons. Gifted with a new pocket knife, I couldn't wait to impress my dad with natural talent at anything considered a "boy thing." I was big into the "anything a boy can do, I can do better" movement for a brief time. Then I realized there were more fun things to do with boys. (I might still be into this a little. I love the outdoors, guns, knives, and muscle cars. Also, high heels, Coach purses, make-up, and Eyeore.)

Which brings us back around to pay attention to the knife, not the boy.

The whole family was camping in Garmisch-Partenkirchen. There were a few other families in neighboring campsites. I'm fairly certain anyway. I'd been a bit fixated on the cute boy one campsite over so I wouldn't swear to anything in court. We were sitting around the camp fire when I decided to put the new pocket knife through its paces. Yes, I was trying to impress him. I didn't know if knife skills were what boys were looking for, but hey, it was worth a try.

Knife and stick in hand, I started whittling away, then I caught his eye. It might have been the knife that caught his eye, but I like my version better. Cue the smiles, embarrassed glances, hair flips, and Murphy's Law. I had flipped around the knife to trim off a small branch (I know, I broke another rule.) and the knife jumped on the tiny knot and right into the knuckle of my thumb.

The ensuing commotion was a sight to behold. I screamed, my mother screamed, my father yelled, my brother laughed. I lost track of the cute boy when my mother whisked me off to the station wagon to patch up my thumb.

Mom had plenty of experience patching up my brother, so she had the wound closed up pretty quickly. The ER doc was sufficiently impressed that he didn't even undo it and sent me off to nurse my wounded pride. I never did get to meet the boy.

To this day, despite mom's best ministrations, I have a 1/2 inch scar on my thumb to remind me of two things: Always point the blade away from you and pay attention to your knife, not the boy in the next campsite. 

Planning My Indoor Herb Garden

One of my orchids. I know it isn't an
herb, but I don't have pics of those.

I love to grow things. Flowers (orchids and African violets are my favorites), house plants (philodendrons have taken over part of my living room), herbs (I once grew a basil plant into a small tree) - if it is green, I'll try to grow it. If I had access to an outdoor garden, I'd grow my own fruits and vegetables too.

Every year, I grow as many herbs as possible in my small condo. I have large northeast-facing windows and great light, so plants do quite well. I always plant a few staples, but try to mix it up a bit and try something new every year. The newbies are still up for debate. I haven't 100% decided yet.

The Staples

Rosemary
Sage
Thyme
Parsley
Basil

These are my favorite herbs and I use them a lot. I'm going to experiment with new uses aside from cooking for the staples this year. I'd really like to get more self-sufficient when it comes to remedies, teas, and such. Well, except for the basil. I usually consume all of that making pesto!

The Newbies

Lemon Balm
Spearmint
Arugula (Rocket)
Bay laurel

I usually plant some form of mint every year, but this year I'm planting two. I want to use the lemon balm for tea. I'll cook quite a bit with spearmint. It blends well with basil. I eat arugula almost every day in some form, so I might as well grow my own. The bay laurel is one I've wanted for a very long time.

I might have room for a few more since I have an additional plant stand this year. Any suggestions?

Short Girl Buschraft Tool Review - The *gasp*Bear Grylls*gasp* Multi-Tool

The flashlight, multi-tool, sheath, and fire steel. The paracord
is my addition to hook/carry the smaller tools since the
sheath is so awful.

I know as soon as you mention Bear Grylls, many bushcrafters, survivalists, and preppers scoff. Mention his line of Gerber tools and noses start to curl. I received one of the Bear Grylls Gerber multi-tool sets for Christmas. It has the flashlight, a multi-tool, and fire steel. (Yes, I see the noses turning. Chill.)

I actually quite like the multi-tool, but lets knock the little stuff out first. The flashlight is a flashlight. It's small and fits in my purse if I want it to. It's bright and it works. The fire steel also works just like it should. It makes nice, big sparks. Perfectly good. Okay, on to the big stuff.

Next to my thumb is the piece
that warps and makes it
difficult to get the tool free.

What Stinks 

The sheath. My previous comments on rigid. plastic cases still stand. They are uncomfortable on curvy women. This case is particularly bad though. The way the rubber strap attaches to the sheath warps the plastic sheath so that the tool is virtually impossible to get out. I had to pry the tool out one time after I left it in for a few days and cut my finger on the plastic. I can barely get the tool out with two hands when it isn't on my belt, let alone one-handed when it is on my belt. I can't quite get into words how much I hate this plastic sheath. It sucks. I'm looking for a new canvas one to use. Until then, the tool goes in my bag. It's a bit on the big side to be comfy in my pocket.

What is Great

The tool. Gerber makes great multi-tools, whether they have the Bear Grylls name on the side or not. I really don't care whose name is on it. I like it because it works for me. My hand is smaller than a Samsung Galaxy S5 phone. Tip of my fingers to the heel of my hand: 5.75 inches / 14.6 cm. Tiny. Most multi-tools are a little hard to hold onto. Gerber added a rubberized coating to this multi-tool to add a non-slip grip to the tool. That and they had to splash the Bear Grylls orange/gray all over the thing. It is easy to spot when you drop it.

That non-slip grip means that even if the tool is a bit too large for my hand, I can hold onto it. It makes the tool usable for people with small hands and like other Gerber multi-tools, it is very useful. I've used it around the house when I haven't wanted to get my tool box out. (Yes, I have a tool box. No, it isn't pink. Yes, it includes power tools and I know how to use them properly!) I've used it outdoors and it has done everything I asked of it thus far. I've not tried to cut down a tree or split firewood. That's not what it is for. Among other small tasks, I've snipped plants, fixed a bathroom cupboard door, and cut paracord. Like I said before, Gerber makes good multi-tools.

The Summary

If you can get past the Bear Grylls name on the side, this is a great multi-tool, especially if you an benefit from the non-slip grip. It is the only full-sized multi-tool I've handled that I don't struggle to hold onto. Toss the sheath into the trash though. It's beyond worthless. Really disappointed in Gerber for that one.  Overall, it passes the short girl usability test.

What Were They Thinking and Why Aren't They Moving?

I frequently wonder what goes through other people's minds in emergencies. "What the hell were they thinking?" is one of my favorite questions. I know what's in my own head. (Don't ask. You don't want to know.) I am pretty good to have around in an emergency though. I am calm, I make decisions, and I look out for other people.

Then I wonder why people aren't prepared for emergencies. I work in Washington, DC. (Thank goodness, I don't have to live there.) The odds of something happening are pretty good, even if it is just a fire drill in the building. It boggles my mind when people don't actually get off their butts and leave when the alarm goes off as it did on Monday. We get notified of drills, so outside of those, if the alarm goes off it is probably something.

The alarm went off, I walked out of our meeting, changed into my winter boots, grabbed my purse, phone, and get-home bag and was ready to head out in about 90 seconds. We were allowed back in about 15 minutes later, but the alarm went off again withing moments and by this time, I'd packed up my laptop and was ready to head home. (Left the get-home bag because it was a building-only event.)

During our evacuation, I watched several women in high heels trying to negotiate stairs and dirty alleys. They couldn't find their keys or their phones. I would have shaken my head in dismay if I hadn't been trying to herd the pregnant co-worker out the door. ("No, you don't need to stop at the restroom. There is smoke in the hall and the building might be on fire. You can pee at the McDonalds across the street." I know, I'm mean.)

For the record, nothing was on fire. The motor of a power tool used by a construction crew on another floor set off the alarm. My pregnant co-worker made it to McDonalds to use the restroom just fine. That really isn't the point though. In an emergency, you need to be ready to go and you need to GO. Have sensible walking shoes you can slip on. Keep all your crap together. That's what purses are for, after all. Most of all, don't stop at the damned bathroom if the building might be on fire.

Of course, the upside of the evacuation was that our office musters outside a bar around the corner from our building. (Yes, we were outside the bar...temporarily.)

Is There a Height Requirement for Bushcraft & Survival?

I want to know if endeavor like those roller coasters at Disney World that say "You cannot ride this ride unless you are taller than this line" because I don't reach all of those lines. God stopped when I was perfect. I don't know what took y'all so long.

When it comes to bushcraft/survival, I'm not in a big hurry to accumulate a lot of gear. I want to get the right stuff and spread out the expense a bit. It took visiting multiple stores and an all day shopping trip to find a pair of hiking boots in my size. I would love to find a backpack that isn't taller than I am.

I know a lot of outdoor gear manufacturers and retailers are targeting women now. REI has an entire campaign around women in the outdoors. Yet, they still seem to think that all women are 5'6"/167 cm and built like Kate Moss. (Just FYI, no normal woman is built like her.) Some of us are short (I stopped at 5'/152 cm). We have hips and boobs. Some of us have more than others. That means straps can't always fall in the same places as a guy and need to adjust differently to accommodate the girls.

The handle is perfect.
The sheath, not so much.

 I found a Morakniv Companion knife that I really like. (Thanks +Chris Swanda / @ChrisSwanda!).  It will work quite well for now, but I imagine I will have to do some serious shopping around when I need anything more heavy duty. I have a hard time finding knives with handles that I can grip properly. Probably shouldn't have a blade go flying out of my hand 'cause I can't hang onto it. Seems like a bad idea anyway.

(Yes, I did get a pink knife. I wanted purple, but they didn't have purple. Instead, I picked pink so that if I hated it, I could send the knife to one of the two guys who recommended it and it would be PINK. Also, if I lose it in the grass or woods, it will be easy to find. And as Tim MacWelch / @timmacwelch pointed out, guys won't steal it.)

Oh yeah, knife makers, women have curves. Belt attachments that don't have a little bit of slack in them make tools and knives stick out from our hips and poke us in the waist. Rigid, plastic sheaths for knives and multitools get hung up on stuff because they don't lay flat on curvy surfaces. I made a paracord lanyard for my knife and I'll wear it around my neck a la Mors Kochanski when it is annoying me on my belt.

I know there is a lot of gear for which size doesn't matter. (Really, I mean it this time.) It seems like for the critical things, where safety and comfort truly matter, it is. (Okay, maybe it does matter.) I won't care if my sleeping bag is a foot too long. I do care that my backpack doesn't end around my knees.

As I try different products, I'll keep the short girls updated!

Where Am I Going? (And Could Someone Please Give Me a Map?)

One of my least favorite things to do at work is our annual performance goals. Every day I go to work, I do my best and I work hard. I strive to do my job to the best of my ability. Part of me argues that should be enough, but I can also see the value in setting goals. It gives you a target to shoot for, and on any journey, you need at least two of the following three things: a starting point, a direction, and a destination. With any two of the three, you can derive the third. (I find it disturbing when I can talk myself into doing things I hate because it is good for me. Tea and cookies would be so much more fun.)

One of my favorite sources of information for bushcraft, Paul Kirtley (@pkirt), posted about joining the route to mastery and one of his suggestions was setting positive constraints for yourself when it comes to bushcraft. Essentially, setting goals. (I think he's in cahoots with our HR department. It's a conspiracy to get me to write the damned things. Thank goodness he didn't start in on SMART goals...) He threw out the added challenge of putting your goals out in public so that if you blow it, everyone will know. He said it much nicer than that, but he end result is the same.

I started off learning more about prepping/bushcraft/survival with the two vague goals: getting back to nature and learning. I'm a huge fan of knowledge for knowledge's sake. In the case of skills like fire making or identifying edible plants, books and blogs aren't enough. That was apparent to me about five pages into one of my books, so I found a class on wild edibles. I'm kinda hooked now. More learning. I wants it. Practice. I needs it.

(I have the misfortune of living in a condo in a suburb of Washington, DC, with a homeowners' association that objects to me starting fires on my patio. I think they're worried I'll set the golf course ablaze. Practice is a challenge.)

The trick is there are so many paths on the journey. Knife skills, shelter making, plants, natural navigation, and on and on. I can't run blindly down all of them, so I should probably pick a trail to start with. I thought about it a while and I need all of the basics to support honing individual skills. It doesn't do me any good to know all the edible plants in the woods if I freeze to death because I can't start a fire.

So, goal number one: Learn the bushcraft basics. Learn how to start a fire, build a rudimentary shelter, find my way out of a paper bag, improve my knife skills.

After that, I really need something to focus on. With such a wide array of topics to choose from, I thought it would be good to start with something for which I already have an affinity.

Goal number two: Hone my edible plant knowledge. This one dovetails with one of my existing hobbies. I love plants. I raise herbs, orchids, and African violets and if I could, I'd have a snake-free jungle in my house. Learning more about the flora around me is fun and I'm always looking for new plants to cook with. (Homeowners won't let me have a garden on my patio either.)

I have a third big goal, but I'm not quite ready to put that one out there, partially because it is heavily dependent on my soon-to-be-a-college-graduate daughter not getting more expensive, and partially due to security reasons. A girl can't give away all her secrets.

Wild Edibles in Bit-Sized Pieces - Winter Edition

Learning about wilderness survival and bush craft is a journey, and not a quick one. I know I can't learn everything I need to know from books, so I'd been debating which bush craft class take first. The first challenge was finding classes in NoVA. Luckily, the Crazy Goat Farmer sent me a tweet about Tim MacWelch's (@timmacwelch) Winter Wild Edibles class.

I perused the course list on Tim's site (Advance Survival Training) and was torn between several classes. They all looked like fun and lord knows I have a lot to learn. I mentioned to the Crazy Goat Farmer I was having trouble deciding, when Tim piped up.

"Not to sway you, but  I'll be serving some 1yr old maple wine @ #winter #wild #edibles."

Like that isn't going to sway me. Wine? I'm there.

The first test of the class was finding the camp. Passed that one. (*whew* That is a tough one for me. I'm navigationally challenged.) The second test was starting a fire. Fortunately, that was taken care of by my classmates.

The class was fantastic. It is all hands on, including food-finding expeditions. I was genuinely surprised that you could find so much edible food in January. I could go through every plant we found, but I think you should take the class instead. I will mention a couple of my favorites (aside from the Maple wine, which isn't nearly as sweet as I thought it would be).

My absolute favorite was the yarrow. It has a great flavor in addition to being pretty close to a super medicine plant. Of all the plants we found, this is the one I took back and added to my salad for lunch.

We even found a wild carrot. The flavor is so much better than anything you get at the store. There was no artificial orange to distract you from the way a carrot really should taste, as opposed to the bland woody flavor of a store-bought carrots. I'm having a hard time putting the store carrots in my grocery cart now. (By the way, we let Tim identify the carrot given its resemblance to many things you don't even want to touch!)

Lunchtime was wine time!

After lunch, we moved on to trees. I am definitely none to fond of unprocessed acorns, but I did loved the pine needle tea. Why wouldn't I? It was tea and there are very few teas I don't like.

The class included information on plants to avoid, especially those to avoid at all possible costs. That information alone was worth the class. It is as important to know what not to eat as what to eat.

I highly recommend the class and will be registering for more classes soon. He promised more maple wine at the next class if I bring friends. Register and tell him I sent you! (end shameless plug for wine)

The Startling Truth of the Burning Bowl

After growing up outdoors more than in, my life took a decidedly office-based turn. I'm trying to turn that around. Getting out more. Studying the outdoors. Reading up on survival, etc. Along the way, I learned something I didn't expect to learn in the tale of the Burning Bowl: Survivalists are funny. Sometimes intentionally. More often, not so much.

Those everyday people that you start discovering on Twitter when you do a little research into survival are the best entertainment. They are smart, thoughtful, kind, quirky, off-beat, and sometimes, really kind of nuts. (Feel free to place me in any of the three latter categories. Evil works for me too.)

I adore them. I adore the kind of crazy but nice goat farmers. I adore the survival researcher in Texas who could be my best pun friend ever. Yes, I even adore the "aww honeys" (as in "Aww honey, the elevator doesn't go to your floor, does it?"). There are surprisingly fewer "aww honeys" than I expected, but boy are they ever cute. I just want to wrap them in bubble wrap and pat them on the head.

The only thing missing from many a tweet is the preface, "Hold mah beer and watch this..." I suspect it is only missing because of the 140-character limit.

The Burning Bowl in progress.  The rocks control the direction
of the burn by blocking the wind. 

Not too long ago, a friend posted just such a tweet. He'd decided to "carve" a bowl out of wood. Okay. Lots of woodworkers,
crafty-types, preppers, and survivalists do this. There was a catch though.

"I'm going to burn a bowl," he declared. I'm pretty sure the "hold mah beer" was implied.

He was going to "carve" the bowl using an ember to burn out the center, then scrape out the charred wood to make the bowl. Apparently, this is a tried, tested, and true method of making a bowl. (He got the idea from a Creek Stewart show).  I suppose it makes sense in a survival situation when you might not have a full set of woodworking tools, but...

It also sounded like a bad idea on so many levels. I even had the headline written for my blog post after the project went bad: "Crazy Goat Farmer Burning a Bowl Burns Barn." Luckily for the crazy goat farmer, I don't get to use it. I'd be lying if I said I was a teeny, tiny bit disappointed that no mayhem ensued. His wife, on the other hand, is likely not disappointed at all.

In the process of burning his bowl, he did manage to flood the area with smoke and wondered if you could get high from burning pine. I wonder if we'd notice the difference if he did. And is a Burning Bowl like a Burning Bush? Will it lead you to some sort of truth? Or does that depend on the amount of smoke you inhale?

For the record, he was successful and he actually has he bowl halfway done. It looks an awful lot like the inside of a wonky walnut.  He still has to carve the outside. With actual tools. Sharp tools. This could go badly. I should start working on the title of that post. "Crazy Goat Farmer Severs Hand Shaping Burned Bowl." Meh. Needs work. I have time though.

His next project is a "rocket stove". I'm telling his wife. No good ever came from the combination of a man, fire, fuel, and anything with the word "rocket" in its name.

Disclaimer: If you are going to try this, do your research and follow directions! Be careful! There are plenty of instructional vids and blogs online. Just search "making a burn bowl".